As we celebrated another Thanksgiving season, it occurred to me the number of people who were writing about all that they were thankful for. I read posts on facebook, watched the television, and even heard people in the village telling of how they were thankful for this and that. While I realize that the Thanksgiving season provokes such thoughts in all of us, I also found that I could not put one finger on just one thing to be thankful for. because you see, I am thankful every single day, for every single thing that God has placed in my life. Maybe it is because I have nursed a husband and my mother to their deaths. Maybe it is because I have nine children. Maybe it is because seven of the are special needs. maybe it is because I have lost eight children. Maybe it is because my eldest son killed himself. Or maybe, just maybe, it is because God has allowed me to live and love in such a way, that all of those things put together have made me so grateful for this life that I cannot be anything else but thankful. I do not know the reason for sure.
But I can tell you that everyday when I rise, I am thankful. I am thankful. At this moment I am thankful for the small, "Pitter patter" of feet that are running around my house. My two grandteins and their Momma have had to move back home. It is hard, it is unfortunate. Yet they are here. They call me "Gammie" and they call Tim "Poppy" They yell, they fight, they scream, they really don't sleep, and worst of all they make my tidy "OCD" home look like something on a really bad cheerios commercial. But they are here and they are mine. A year and a half ago, when my daughter,7 months pregnant, gave birth to them via an emergency c-section, we were not sure they would make it. It was horrible. It was scary. But mostly it was like living in a moment that wouldn't go away as they struggled for life those first few days. But they did live. They are here. They are in my home. I am changing "poopy" diapers. I am wearing "food" soled socks. I am being spit at and hit at. But I am also getting wild hugs and wet kisses, and playing "git choo" (get you), and tucking in , and singing the most amazing lullabies any Grammie can imagine.
I am thankful everyday that my children live. That they have survived their parents' horrific lives and that they breath, smile, run, and play and can even function. I am thankful everyday that I get to pray over them at night and wake them up every morning. I am thankful when they screw up and I am thankful when they cross a finishline. Many children do not have these chances in our world. many paople are too selfish, or simply cannot fathom adopting a child with special needs. We never even considered the consequences, it was our "Calling" it is what we do. I am the mother who stands in the way of anyone, anyone ever trying to step on my child's toes or my child's self esteem. It is not your job to change my child, it is mine. I am the Momma who is constantly wearing used clothes so that my children can keep up with the "Jones'", I do not regret it, I am thankful for people who give to goodwill so that I don't look like gartbage. I am thankful everyday that when I drop my children off at school, they are at a safe place with people who love them as their own. We have been blessed with a staff at our school that will call me at the drop of a hat if my children seem "off" or "something is up".
I come home each day to a warm home, with decent things in it, and food in the cupboard. I clean it with love because I know many people who do not have a nice home, much less own one. I am thankful everyday for my job, for bosses who allow me to come and go as I please to take care of the needs of my large family. My job is my solace some days and without it I would certainly lose my sanity. For people who love me enough to allow me to parent in a way I need to, I am thankful.
I am thankful everyday of my life for a husband who comes home everyday to me. Who is handsome, kind, and would give you the shirt off his back and has many times. I am thankful that he has a good job, and people who care about him also. I am thankful that out marriage has only deepened these past two years of turmoil, that we have clung to each other, and protected our children from this awful "death". I am thankful that when Tim comes home everyday, my heart skips a beat, and it is I who gets to hug and kiss him and no one else.
But mostly, mostly, everyday, I am thankful for the chance that God has given me to live this life. I am thankful I was able to survive my rotten childhood, and put together some moral fiber and live a life most people only dream about. I do not have money. I do not have "brand new". I do not live stress free. But I do live this life in such a way that I always am thankful, that there are always "silver linings" , and I can always, always, bow to a God who took a frightened little girl who loved to play dollhouse....and molded her into a woman who still loves to play dollhouse only now those dolls and those moments, hug me back!
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