Thanksgiving. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be truly thankful. Many people have posted their thankful thoughts each day on facebook. I 've read articles in the magazines and newspapers about thankful people. I have watched television news reports on all sort of miraculous thanksgiving miracles. But I could never write one thing down about it. For me, there is no way I could ever pick one issue, person, or place that I am thankful for. Oh, but i am thankful, I'm thankful every day.
When I get out of bed each morning I am thankful everyday that I get to wake up my children with a hug and kiss and get them out of bed. Seven of my nine children are special needs children. Their biological parents couldn't care for them properly so God has blessed us with them. I'm thankful; that God blessed me out of everyone in the world with the opportunity to raise them. I am thankful that Joshua is going to college, has moved out on his own, and has a decent job. I miss him terribly, but he calls me and tells me about his life and still comes home occasionally just to lay on our couch and cuddle with his siblings. I am thankful for Arden Dragos, our little guy from Russia, the one who was never supposed to walk or talk. Although we we fight because "he is eighteen and I can't tell him what to do", he still in the end realizes that we adore him and will always be there for him. I am thankful everyday for James. The son who provided many dare devil trips to the hospital. Quite frankly, I am amazed he is alive and not maimed. I am so thankful for the way he has grown into a man and became who he is and not some "jock wanna be". He has chosen his own path and not those of his peers. I am thankful every for Timara. She has become all I ever dreamed and more. She lights up a room with her knowledge and personality. She will succeed in this world and change it because, she will never ever let anyone get the best of her. She has over come epilepsy and deals with her illness in an intelligent manner. Everyday I am thankful for my Katie-Grace. I am thankful that she is growing and thriving despite having a renal kidney deformity. I am thankful for cuddling, for her "dancing debuts" , and for her fussy ways. But mostly I am thankful that God let her live through meningitis so that Tim and I could raise this last cherub together. And finally, through many tears and much guilt, I am thankful for my son Jeffrey who committed suicide almost two years ago. I am thankful for the opportunity to know him, to hold him, to watch him reach huge milestones, and to be the one he came home to his final week of life. Everyday, I fight back tears and wish things were different for him, different for us, but if it can't be different, if he cannot be here, then I will be thankful that he was and that he loved us the best he could.
I am thankful for their spouses, two Godly men brought into our family for the soul purpose of fathering my beautiful grandchildren (at least that's what I tell them). They are two of the best men I know. They love their wives (my daughters Tierney and Lacey) and they take loving care of their children. They are men of honor and integrity and I am blessed everyday to have them.
Then there are my three grown daughters. I am so thankful for them everyday and what they bring into my life (besides grandchildren). Tierney calls me nearly everyday with some funny tale form her life. her tenacity and drive as a wife and a mother light up my day and validate who I am as a wife and mother myself. She makes me feel good about bring me. Lacey, the full time teacher and homemaker and momma, calls as often as she can. her life is filled to the brim about the children of New Orleans, their life, wants, and experiences. She brings nuances of changing the world, and living for the future. I am so proud of her calls and how she just loves me because I adore her and her little family. Kayla. My fondest hope and dream. My firstborn. How can I not be thankful foe her everyday. Struggling to raise to babies on her own. Coming home to us and allowing us to help parent her silly children. Her hugs and late night chats remind me of the great times my Momma and I used to have drinking hot tea.
And grandchildren, How can I even begin to be thankful without writing a whole paragraph on two of these little lovelies who have moved into my house for a while to keep me company. I have no free time. I have spilled milk everywhere.My "OCD" home wreaks of poopy diapers and old food stuck under the couch. The living and dining rooms both look like a bad cheerio commercial that will only get worse, but for them I am thankful. I am thankful that we are called "Mamma and Poppy". I am thankful that I get to rock an eighteen month old again at three in the morning. I am thankful that the "pitter patter" of little feet are running through our house again. But mostly I am thankful that my single daughter had the security to know if she came home with her children, that we would open our door and let her live here with our arms and hearts open. And the two grandchildren whom I visit as often as I can. I speak to them on the phone and hold them close to my heart through pictures, stories, and visits. They all have changed my life for the better and for them I am thankful everyday.
How can I not be thankful for my husband? A man put solely on this earth to be my husband and the father of our children and "poppy" to these grand babies. When he walks into a room after twenty-two years, my heart still skips a beat. he stimulates me intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. he challenges what I think and who I am. He comes home everyday to me and our family and works his tail off to give these people who live here everything he has.Plus he serves his community in many, many ways, supporting them financially and ethically. he is where my children get their Godly honor from. he is the man of my dreams and the friend of my days, and I am so blessed by him sometimes I can barely speak.
I am blessed with two beautiful sisters who are so different from each other that I can't believe we are related. They are funny til we pee our pants. Sad til we call 911. And most of all, loved to the moon and back. They are my lifeline to reality. They are sometimes the reason I stay sane and breath.
How do i not mention everyday how thankful I am for my friends? For my Katie Aronin. her compassion and willingness to hear me out good or bad. her willingness to drop everything and come to my side whenever I need her. her ability to see right into the depths of my heart and pull me into her own heart and stop my fears. I love her with my life. My Teresa Harrington, my friend, my conscience, my ability to "get over it". I could not live without her being a phone call away. She is all that I ever wanted to be if I only had the courage. I love her for always sending me back from wherever my life leads me to run to. Everyday, I am thankful for these women.
My Home. how could I ever not be thankful everyday for our home. many people do not have a home. many people only have a house. But our home is filled with so much love, laughter, and living, it is a home. A home that I cherish everyday. Sure it's freezing sometimes. Sure it's smelly sometimes. But the bottom line is, I always want to come here, I always want to be home.
And community and friends and bosses and work. How can I not be thankful everyday for our school and the awesome staff and coaches. They love our children and parent them everyday. They take the next step everyday with my children Or what about the local police chief who stands out in the cold and mans the traffic so our children won't get run over on their way to school. Or what about the guy in charge of our school bussing and transportation. Everyday, I watch him man all of the issues related to bussing and walkers and droppers...really the guy deserves some kind of a medal, or at least Prozac. And then there's Junie Decker and dale Thompson. Always there to mother or grandmother every person they meet. Or the dance teacher Kim? A diamond in the rough, bringing culture to my children in so many ways! And what about the people I work with everyday, The ones who put up with me being late, or calling in. They allow me to parent and grandparent in my own way, in my own style. My children have never known they have a working mother because I have great bosses. They are my friends, they are my family.
And finally, how do I even think about thankfulness without thinking about God? God. A God who gave me these dreams. who took my heart's desire as a scared little girl and gave me a family to love. A God who saw me hiding under a dresser while my father pulled a gun on my mother and tried to shoot her. A God who pulled me out of an abusive marriage. A God who every time I shop at Goodwill gives me beautiful, cheap clothing so I won't feel bad because I have to shop there. A God who I can run to when I lose a spouse, or mother. A God who scooped me up in his arms a s I lost seven babies. A God who watched my son kill himself and was by my side when I fell to my knees that day after finding his lifeless bloody body in his car. A God who has given me the will to get up each day with a thankful heart. A God who let's me see beyond the idiots of this world, the judgers, and allows me the peace to pray for those who try to destroy all that I have and all that I am. And finally a God, who despite my faults, loves me for me and lets me climb in his lap and just rest my silly burdens before Him.
So you see, I cannot just pick one thing a day to be thankful for everyday. My life is so full of stories, events, dumbness, and sometimes outright irritations that I have to be thankful everyday or my head would explode. I cannot fathom. ever , ever choosing one because in the end our heart of hearts are always. always thankful, if we just have the courage to see the blessings right in our own little lives.
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