Sometimes God communicates with people through His word. Sometimes He communicates with people through circumstances. For me, God has always communicated through signs. Sometimes these signs are huge, demonstrative sightings that overwhelm me so, that I cannot even speak. Others times the signs come to me so softly and quietly that I cannot help but look up and smile. Today, my sign was soft and quiet. Although the giver never even knew God was using her, I knew and God knew, and really, that was enough.
Ever since I was a small child, I have loved red birds, especially in the winter when they sit on the back drop of the silvery white snow. Because they seem to appear more readily in winter, I seem to miss them and their beauty much of the year. And so it is no wonder that I readily identify these beautiful animals as gifts from God. However, it wasn't until much later, when I was worried about one of my children, that I knew for sure that these amazing birds were God's way of blessing me...they were His signs for me.
God, I prayed silently as I rocked back and forth in my rocking chair...where is he? Is Jeff okay? It's so awful out. I do not know where he is. I do not know if he is safe in this storm. He will not answer my calls. Oh Lord, I am so frightened for him...and I dropped my head in my hands and began to sob. Please Lord, if he will not call me, Ii I do not know...how will I ever fall asleep and get some rest? Will you give me a sign...something that I will recognize as You telling me he's okay...I just need to know...I love him so very much... I prayed and prayed all through the night as the wind whipped snow and ice everywhere. I rocked and I prayed. Prayed and rocked. And still no answer. Where are You God? Where is Jeffy? Is he okay? Suddenly the phone rang, "Mom, it's me...I just wanted you to know that I am safe and that I love you. Okay Mom?" Jeff said quietly into the phone as we talked briefly. "Don't worry Mom, I can take care of myself..."
I listened intently to the short conversation, so very grateful that he had called. I hung up the phone, stood up out of my chair, turned around, and looked at the big lilac tree out the big picture window. There sitting on snow covered branches was a tree loaded with red birds. many, many red birds...so many I could not count them. And that is when I knew...my sign...the red birds were my sign. God wanted me to know that He had specifically answered my prayers for Jeff. The red birds' presence told me so.
And that was only the beginning. If ever I was worried. If ever I didn't know what to do, God would send red birds my way to know that all was well. And send He did. Now I know it sounds silly. And I know that no one will believe it. But I do not care. Because a sign meant for me from God only needs to be believed by me.
If we had a long night of sickness, I would rock that child next to a red bird on the window sill. If I had to make a heartfelt apology that I didn't want to make, the red birds would be on the rock outside the window dancing at me when I was done. The red birds became little blessings between me and God letting me know that we were all right, He and I, that I was following Him the right way.
When my son killed himself and I lay my head on his tombstone in desperate tears to fix the situation, God sent a red bird to sit beside me and reassure me that it was okay. When I was told I may die of a brain tumor and I walked into the bathroom to sob by myself...it was a red bird that sat in the small bush outside my window and refused to leave, no matter how hard I cried. When I dodged to miss an animal in the road and almost went into the ditch...two red birds dove in front of the car at the very moment I opened my eyes to see that we were okay. So you see, the red bird has become a life saver in many ways...
And today, today when I have been missing my son so much, wondering if I am making the right decision to walk away from a job and customers that I love in order to get stronger in health..I received a knock at the door. A knock that I was not expecting, from a woman who has never been in my home, and in her hand, she held a red bird. "I found this in my mother's things and I thought of you and how much you love the red birds," she said smiling as she handed it to me. I put the shiny red bird in my hand. I stroked it's smooth exterior. I could hardly believe what I held. I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to tell her what that small statue of a red bird meant to me, but I could not. I was too overwhelmed to speak of it. But I held it. I did not put it down. I merely thanked her and made small talk and showed her my home. Later, as I watched her leave, I looked up at the treasured red bird now sitting in a place of prominence in my home, and thanked God for this gift and the woman who brought it to me. Even though she may never know what that red bird meant to me, I will know that God knows how He used a beautiful woman with a sense of timing and wisdom to answer my prayers of insecurity. He used her to tell me that yes, I am doing the right thing staying home and that Jeff will be alright in heaven. And if I will not take the time to look out the window on a rainy day for a red bird, that He will send one to me, with friendship and love...
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