On our own we cannot make a garment strong....we need a little interfacing...
Because I have so many children, and all of them are involved in sports in one way or another, coaches play a huge role in forming my children's character and self esteem. I am not going to lie to you. We have had some tremendously "great" coaches, but we have also had the occasional "bad" coach as well.
We could sit and talk all day about the "bad" coaches and how they messed up our children or made them feel horrible about themselves and their athletic skills. But really, sometimes it is these coaches that actually make our children stronger and more resilient as athletes as well as human beings. If we as parents, work with our children to get them through a tough season, then the damage from a "bad" coach can really be minimized. If not, pull your child from the sport, and help to get a new coach for the next season.
What I really want to address today is the "great" coaches, and believe me, there are some great coaches. Some coaches greatness comes form purely knowing their sport and teaching your child everything they know. Thus the child grows in ability and character. Some coaches are "great" because they know children and can handle a bunch of attitudes and use that knowledge to bring out your child's pure love for the game. But there are some coaches who are "great" because they have that rare combination of both. They can teach your children how to play well and they can teach them how to have good attitudes while doing it.
What I love about coaches who have the whole package, is their ability to read their team as both individuals and as a whole group. What happens is that these coaches know their team's strengths and weaknesses and are able to maximize both in order to promote change throughout the year. This permeates into a team attitude that winning may not be everything, but gaining and improving each game becomes a goal. The children are expected to do their best, and recognized by a "great" coach when they do. This makes our children want to participate in the sport for the sheer pleasure of self improvement.
A "great" coach also knows how to critique and not criticize. This is concise dealings with your child to express his athletic shortcomings without tearing into his spirit. The coach talks to the child, commanding respect instead of demanding it, which in turn leads the child to respect himself as well. Some coaches do this in private, but there are some coaches who have the unique ability to critique your child in front of his teammates. This takes special finesse involving others in this chat can enable other teammates to see that they all have some skills to work on as well.
A quality high on my list for a "great" coach, is one who can handle both the ruly and unruly parent. If a coach believes enough in his or her ability as a coach, that character trait will prove itself in the way that communicates well to parents. No cursing, throwing fits, or having bad attitudes, but speaking in a poised, patient, manner presents itself well especially to a parent who may or may not be on the war path. Children normally are who they are from their parents, and some parents radiate idiocy when talking to a coach. This parent must be handled with the idea that in order to bring out the best in the child, this parent needs to be dealt with tactfully, yet never changing who the coach is.
Finally, and probably the most important trait of a "great" coach is the ability to love your child beyond the sport and see that what your child needs to grow into a superb adult some day. A "great" coach can learn to read his/her players and know instinctively what will help mold this child. There are not many coaches who have this trait, but let me as a parent of nine athletes name a few...
Coach Pat Ventura of New Mexico: drove my child thirty miles everyday to school so that my son, Jeff, who was failing at his regular school, could get a fresh start. Worked with him personally everyday on his football skills and character. This coach loved children and is a real credit to his peers. Incidentally, when Jeff many years later committed suicide, the only letter and memento Jeff kept was one form this coach, what this says to me is that my son had enough love to think of this coach in his last days.
Coach Tony Joosteburns of Michigan: this coach took a team of giggly little girls and led them to a team championship simply by being a "great" coach. He taught them all he knew about softball and then when things got tough, had them turn their hats around backwards to play relaxed. The children got a sense that Tony didn't care if they lost, he just wanted them to have a good time. And they did...they won.
Coach Sarah Carpenter of Michigan; Sarah coaches varsity volleyball. She has coached a winning regional team and she has coached a losing team. What she has is the grace and dignity that a lot of coaches lack to see into the spirits and lives of her girls. She looks at each strength and then sees what is needed for her team. She never promotes one child, but concentrates on her team as a whole.This brings together a team that looks not at the wins, but as the gains. My daughter Timara has grown immensely as a player and a young woman.
Coach Brian Lincoln of Michigan: A controversial coach in football, he has allowed my special needs son, Arden, to be a part of his team for four years now. Arden manages and waters these boys. It has given my child identity, purpose and camaraderie amidst his peers. Coach Lincoln maintains a friendship off the field with Arden as well, and this shows my son that that there are many facets to being a coach, not just what you see on the field or in the locker room.
Dance teacher Kimberly Roderiguez: although not a "coach" per say. Kim has the ability to teach a wide range of children to dance. What Kim provides for these children is the character to build on over and ever again throughout the years. She teaches these children to see beyond their talents and body images and brings out the best dancers they can be. There is never negativity from Kim to her students, but a respect commanded, that enables her to teach these children to thrive on movement and the music. They never realize at first that those movements are "dance skills". Her happiness in her art is shown throughout the community where no one calls her "Mrs. Roderiguez", she is merely known as "Miss Kim". When my son died, she kept a careful watch on both of my daughters and allowed them to grieve and grow through dance. her love and guidance is a rare treasure that all coaches should possess.
Again, Coach Brian Lincoln of Michigan: Brian coaches track also and coached my son Jeff for three years. Jeff had no self esteem when he began running, mainly because he wanted to be instantly good. Brian taught Jeff to never give up on himself or his team. By teaching Jeff to be patient and believe in himself and his abilities, Brian lead Jeff to break seven school records. Jeff also learned to be a team player which helped him both on the track and at home. I truly believe in my heart that this coach gave my son focus throughout the final years of his life.Brian in essence gave us four more years with our son.
I believe though that my favorite coach was Coach Chris Ventura of New Mexico: I say this because Chris really new how to just have fun with his team of children in little league co-ed softball. None of my children were on his team but what he did for the children watching his skills and team perform with love and genuine fun was a true feat to watch. Here is just one of many examples of Chris' love for children......
My son Arden can hit, and he can hit well, but he cannot run. So Arden was never able to get to home plate because he was always getting out before he hit first. We were playing Chris' team and they were up by one and Arden was coming to bat. Everyone held their breath because they new Arden would get out and we would lose the game. The pitch was thrown, and Arden swung...missed...strike one! Another pitch was thrown...too high...ball one! The next pitch came and Arden belted it clear to the fence..a home run...but his little legs just couldn't get him to first fast enough. The ball was drilled into first, but miraculously thrown too high. Arden looked up and the crowd rared for Arden to run to second. He ran with all he had as the ball whizzed past the second baseman into center field. The crowd begged Arden again to race to third. Tears began to well in my eyes and in my heart as my son circled third base and ran to home plate. "Run, Arden, run!" the crowd on both teams rallied. Both dugouts were on the field as the ball was thrown in and the catcher caught it as Arden came up three feet short. The catcher looked at the ball, looked at Arden breathlessly racing towards him, and purposely dropped the ball just as Arden ran across home plate. He had scored his first home run. Both teams came up and threw my son on there shoulders and carried him around the field. Everyone in the stands was bawling and hugging. I looked over through tear stained eyes at Coach Chris Ventura who looked up from hugging my son, and he just nodded and smiled, holding back tears.
"I made a homerun, Momma, did you see it..." he went on and on shrieking with excitement...
"Yes, Bubby, I saw it...you did the bestest ever!" and I clutched my son to me tight as I stared at my husband (the other coach) while he shook hands blubbering like a girl with the best coach ever!
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