I think as a parent, the scariest moments in my life have been when my children were ill and I couldn't nurse them back to health on my own. Having to seek medical treatment for an unknown ailment and not being in total control of your child or the situation is a helpless feeling that few of us, thank God, have ever had to experience....
Katie-Grace was weeks when she began to fuss for no apparent reason. We were enjoying a leisurely afternoon at the track field watching our children compete, when for no reason at all, she began to whimper and cry. Since all of the new sounds and sights were unfamiliar, Tierney and I took her to the van to watch from there and see if she would settle down. But after a few minutes, she quickly grew worse, and her whimpers turned into screams. I stared at my little girl and looked deep into her pleading eyes, "Tierney, somethings wrong with this baby. Honey, somethings really wrong. We need to go home and take her temperature." Tierney nodded on agreement and we raced home.
"Her temp is over 101degrees Momma- I've taken it twice," my daughter looked at me worried. Katce was still crying. "I think you're right Momma, we gotta take her now. Let's just go and I'll call Daddy." Tierney called her dad and within minutes, we were packed up and in the car with my scared little baby girl in the back crying.
"You're sure she had a temp, she registers fine now," the attending physicians assured me. She kept checking katce over and looking at every part of her. Tierney and I both nodded. "Then by law, I have to do a spinal tap. It's standard procedure. But you're sure?" she explained. I looked at my small, precious baby, our gift from God. Tears ran down my cheeks as I nodded again. My baby just stared at me, her bug eyes seemed to be begging for help.
We could hear her screaming when Tim arrived. He looked harried and overwhelmed. I updated him and the doctor came out and said that she couldn't get into Katce's spine. "I want to admit her," she said matter of factly. "We'll keep her here for now, but we may have to transfer her- at this point, I just don't know..."
It had been two days, two days and no improvement. I was staying with her around the clock and a different child came from home to help me. Tim came every chance he could. It was late the second night, Katce was screaming again. She just wouldn't stop. I began to cry as I rubbed her frail, little body. I could tell she was in pain. I could tell she needed help and we were just not finding the answer to her ailment. We were talking with the doctor and it looked like we were going to be sent to a larger hospital for children. they were so concerned because her fever would not break. It was always at least 101 degrees, but had went as high as 103 degrees. I was in a panic. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. I started to croon to her. It was late, at least 3am, and she was still crying...I just wept softly, singing and holding her. Poor Katce. Were we going to lose her now? Was this gift only given to us for such a short time, only to be ushered from our lives forever?
I could see she was dying. The nurses were quiet and solemn. I could hear them whisper with heavy faces. I knew their comments were not good. I continued to pray and sing Bible songs to her. "Lord, I love this child. I love her more than my life. But she is suffering. She is suffering so much. I cannot help her. Please Lord, if she is going to continue to suffer and die a painful death, will you please take her from me. I want her to be happy and healthy. I want her to stop suffering so..." and I laid my head next to her and sobbed uncontrollably. All of the sudden, Katce stopped crying. The nurse came over, and checked her.... the fever had broken.
Katce stared at me and grasped my finger. She was resting. She was at peace. for the first time in three days, my sick baby girl was not screaming. Her eyes quickly drooped and she fell into a deep, deep sleep. Thank you God, thank you so much! And I knew, I knew as we transferred her to a bigger hospital- she would be okay. I knew when they told us she had meningitis and a bad kidney- she would live. I knew when we spent twenty one days in the ICU- she would come home with us one day. I knew when she wouldn't eat and we had to feed her through a tube- she was going to make it. And I knew on our way home, that I had a God who needed me to give this child back to Him one more time- that I had forever, forever had an answer to my prayer.
I guess the moral to the story is that sometimes as a parent, I do not have control. I cannot fix it all. But faith can move mountains, miracles do happen. Every single day I watch my children live a miracle life . I am thankful. I am blessed. But mostly I am grateful that I have and they have a God who loves them so much, that he will step up and take care of them when my feeble, earthly ways cannot.
Today, Katie-Grace is med free. She runs and laughs and lives. She paints the dog with yogurt, puts mozzarella string cheese in the dryer, and occasionally is known to draw on her sleeping sister's face with permanent marker. All by the grace of God.
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