Now I chose not to laugh and looking my serious six year old son straight in the eye, I carefully replied. "James, you're gonna try to fly aren't you..." He shook his head in affirmation. Tim looked up from his paper now, quite amused that his young son had the same initiative that he too had as a child.
"I'm gonna get on the roof Momma, and jump. Mara tied this real tight and if I calculated my figures right, I can fly!" James explained with sheer joy oozing from his new found career. First of all, I was pretty sure that James didn't know what calculate even meant and second of all, it was a true miracle that he hadn't been killed in any of the other "career moves" that he'd calculated in the past.
I looked at him and started to speak, but Tim, trying to serious and contain his laughter advised James, "Now, James, I think if we cut that triangle right up the middle and when you get up there, you start running and flapping real hard, well, I think you'll fly!" I looked at my husband who was now peeling in laughter and his son was about to go and find something to cut his wings.
"Tim, are you crazy?" a phrase I uttered to him almost on a daily basis since I married him. "James, you are not, I repeat, not getting a ladder and jumping off to fly. You'll break every bone in your body and I am not in the mood to take you to the hospital. Daddy is being silly. Now, give Momma a kiss and go play..." James looked at his Daddy, who nodded and laughed as he headed for the door.
"Bye, Momma!" he yelled after my hug and kiss, "I'm gonna go and..." his voice trailed off as he headed to Grandma's next door.
I raced to the phone and called Virginia, "Look out your window. He's gonna ask for a ladder..."
Virginia started to chuckle, "Gonna try to fly today huh? Well, I'll feed him some ice cream and send him home!" I could hear her laughing as she hung up explaining to Gramps what his youngest grandson was up to today.
Kids. Kids learning to do the impossible. Kids learning to fly. I think that for me, that is the hardest part of motherhood; letting them go and letting them learn to fly. We parent our kids and we nurture them. We teach them how to eventually leave our nest and become wonderful, thriving adults. We want them to grow up and be an inaugural, life changing part of our community- "make the world a better place so to speak". But what I failed to realize is that with each life lesson, I am actually pushing my children out of the nest. Slowly, carefully nudging them towards the edge so that they will one day fly out on their own. At first, it wasn't too hard to send them off into adulthood and college. After all, our nest was pretty full and having a little more room to spread our wings felt good.
But now, as I am faced with three children graduating this year and leaving our nest left with just one Baby Burd, I realize I don't want to nudge anymore. I don't want to teach them life lessons. I don't want them to be prepared to live without me. I just want to love them. I want to love their lives. I want to watch every sporting event in slow motion. Laugh at every joke they say. Praise every moment they choose to grace me with their presence. Listen as they babble on and on about insignificant issues that will be forgotten tomorrow. I breath in every moment of everyday. I am exhausted. But I savor every moment because I know, once they fly away, they will be different. They will be grown. And my position in their lives will be changed forever. I will become more of a friend and less of a boss. I will be "Mom", and "Momma" will be a person in their childhood memories. But I know this year will pass. They will grow up. They will graduate, at least that's the plan. They will fly away. I know I must nudge because like it or not, it's coming.
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