The Square of Unconditional Love...for the Love of Dragos

I laid on the bed all curled up in a ball. I was dying, just dying inside, and I knew I would never ever be the same. This fourth miscarriage hadn't been like the rest. It was scary, oh so scary. We had to call the ambulance and I was hemoraging. The pain was so intense that I truly thought I was losing my life. Emergency surgery was performed and I lost one of my tubes and the other one was cut and cauterized. I was left with nothing. I had lost my last chance to have Tim's child and more  importantly I had lost my last child- a child I'd wanted so desperately. I just laid there and sobbed; sobbed to God, sobbed to an unfair world, and sobbed for a child's spirit whom I could feel so strongly it was making me crazy. I knew, I just knew, that Tim and I were meant to have children and I had failed to bring that dream to a reality. We had talked invitro and adoption, but it was just too soon. So medicated and exhausted, I shook heaven's gates with one of the most heartfelt prayers I had ever uttered.... "Lord, if you will give me a child, any child, I will love it....." and I laid my face into my pillow and wept in dispair.
Sometime later while watching tv, I, just by a fluke turned on the evening news. And on that newstation was the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen. She had a gorgeous head of deep brown curls, ruby red lips, and the blackest almond eyes in all the world. Oh, she could be Tim's child- I remember thinking. I watched the newscast intently as they told the story of these two little orphans that were brought to the United States on a medical visa to receive treatment for various health issues. Two children? Well, I'd only seen one. Then the camera flashed on this tiny, big headed child. He was fair haired and gaunt, but he had the most happiest smile that I had ever witnessed. "He has neuorological damage, and possibly issues that will  be looked at here at the hospital....they are both available for adoption...." the voices trailed off. I quickly wrote down the number to call on that adorable little girl. Adoption....could we adopt this little girl...could she be the answer to our hearts desire?
I raced to call Tim at work. I babbled and babbled. And he kept telling me to slow down and catch my breath. Could I call, could I call the first thing tomorrow and set up an appointment to meet her? Of course he said yes, he knew he had no choice. I would've called with or without him. I was on fire for this little girl. I wanted to have a child with him so badly, and she looked like him. It had to be a sign.
So, the call was made and the appointment set, but the lady on the other end of the phone said, "You know Mrs. Burd, six people have called about Julia, but none have called for Dragos. Do you think you could come and look at him?" My heart sank, no I did not want to look at him. But why not, was it because he could be retarded or was it merely because he didn't look like Tim. I quickly realized that I was mesmerized by Julia because she looked like Tim. It didn't matter to me if a child had mental problems or not. I could love and raise a special needs child. I knew I could do it without hesitation. I told her we'd come for Dragos and the lady was elated...simply elated.
And so we made the long drive to the adoption agency in Hartford. I chatted with Tim the whole way, but he was very quiet, much more so than usual. But I didn't care, in fact, I was relishing in the dreams of having a child. I was already planning and living for this little guy. I guess that after four miscarriages, my need  for a child had definately outweighed my common sense.
The kind, red haired adoption agent opened the door. She spoke very friendly as if I'd known her my whole life and gave us a brief history of  Dragos. He was born  early, a sickly baby, put in the bottom of the orphanage to die. She had met him two years previously and when she came back, he'd actually recognized her and played a game that they had played from memory. She was just gushing with little stories and how Dragos had overcome so many obstacles....and then, she opened the door and there he was.
He was so adorable- a big thatch of stick-up straight blonde hair, an impish grin, but the smallest body on the biggest head. And laugh, and smile- well that was all he did. He couldn't walk or talk, but he burbled and babbled and scooted across the floor. Why, he didn't even care that he wasn't doing what other three year olds should do. He was just happy and so was I. I was in love.- completely and thoroughly in love. Tina, the agent, kept talking. I just sat down as this child scooted over to my lap and just cuddled and snuggled and I was sold. I brought him into my heart right then and there. Tim? Who was Tim? I never even thought of Tim. I only thought of every maternal need being fed after so many losses of so many other children.
Dragos picked up a truck and threw it at Tim and he started to laugh, "He's got guts, I'll give him that..."
I hurriedly agreed. We would attend all of his doctors appointments, and we'd get a homestudy started, and then start the paperwork, and also the finances. Hmmm...could we come up with the finances that quickly? Of course we could. And I nodded and waived good-bye and sat in Mommy heaven.
Tim and I got into the truck and I immediately started planning. I was babbling again nonstop. Didn't he just love him? Wasn't he just wonderful? Where would we put him? What would his parents think? And on and on...
"Kari...KARI Stop." Tim finally found his voice and got my attention. "Kari, slow down. Just slow down. We cannot do this. I cannot do this. I cannot adopt a special needs child. I cannot adopt a child with so many unknowns. This has to be right. It has to be right for both of us....." What are you kidding me and I began to cry...
"But I thought...I thought that we could handle this. I thought we could do this and he would be ours ...."
I reasoned.
He was somber and obviously upset. "We'll go to the doctors appointments and help them out, but that is all...I just cannot do this...." and he continued on and on.
But I didn't hear him for I was transformed back to another time. A time when I had prayed a prayer so deep that I could barely utter the words and that is when I audibly heard God say to me, "Kari, you said to me, 'Lord, if you will give me a child, any child, I will love it'.....and Kari this is your son..." I was awestruck. Simply awestruck.
And I started to cry. "No Tim, he is our son..."and I replayed what God had just laid on my heart.
And so Tim threw in the towel and that day, resolving to believe that God had spoken to me, he- we committed to our son. And we have never looked back. It was a long year of delays, sneaking him medications through contacts to keep him well, set backs with paperwork, and just unforseen idiotic holdups. But finally, finally Tim went to Moldova to get him and somewhere over London, when Dragos pooped his diaper and Tim chose to throw the whole outfit away, Tim fell  in love with his son. Drying him by the hand dryer, naked in England, Tim figured if Dragos could be happy smelling like he did, then he'd be happy too. And so he held his four year old, twenty pound son and promised he'd do whatever it took to make him a success. And seven years later...
"Run, Bubby, RUN!", we all screamed as Dragos crossed the finish line in the 70 meter dash..."He beat two fat kids, he did! That's my boy..." Tim grinned. And as we looked back, the entire crowd was cheering and yelling and crying. The boy, the one left to die in the bottom of the orphanage, was talking, running, and winning the race. And the best part was he was ours...he was our son...BECAUSE GOD SAID.